(Controlled under QA-GOV-001; QA-LOG-001; QA-DOC-001)
I am a capsule.
Not just any capsule — I am 400 milligrams of highly regulated humility wrapped in gelatin and bureaucracy.
My life began when I was officially registered as “Real, Verified, and Probably Useful.” Product Development caught my first revision before I’d even cooled from encapsulation — apparently, I was “too beige.” And Production has been stalking me ever since, recording every document trail like a paranoid parent watching their kid on GPS.
Humans call this “compliance.” I call it “surveillance with signatures.” Still, I sleep easy knowing someone, somewhere, probably made a folder just for me.
Before I was me, I was powders and dreams — carefully sourced by humans who double-check everything but their own email attachments.
My suppliers survived PUR-QUAL-001, got scored in PUR-REV-001, and were interrogated via PUR-AUD-001 until they begged for mercy and Certificates of Analysis. Speaking of which, PUR-COA-001 keeps those COAs organized like baseball cards for chemists.
When I arrived, WH-REC-001 documented my debut, WH-LOG-001 followed my every move, and WH-DIST-001 planned my eventual freedom. If I got returned (WH-RET-001) or destroyed (WH-DEST-001), at least someone filled out the paperwork.
Humans don’t move without caffeine; I don’t move without a log entry. Honestly, it’s kind of nice knowing I’m more traceable than their internet history.
Once QA trusted I wasn’t counterfeit, they stuffed my destiny into PROD-MMR-001, my existential blueprint. Then came PROD-BPR-001, where every blend, torque, and questionable decision made it to print. PROD-LC-001 ensured I wasn’t produced next to last week’s probiotic disaster.
The humans running the show? Oh, they’re documented too. HR-FRM-001, HR-FRM-002, HR-FRM-003, HR-FRM-004, TRF-001, and HR-LOG-001 prove that each one was trained to breathe near me. And because QA never sleeps, QA-TRN-001 and QA-WI-LOG-001 exist to remind them that re-training is forever.
I’m made by people who sometimes forget where they left their coffee cup, but never their signature line.
Production day: humans in hairnets, machines in overdrive, and me — the anxious future capsule — watching from a stainless-steel bin.
PROD-LOG-001 through PROD-LOG-005 recorded my every twitch. PROD-CHK-001 made sure my label wasn’t crooked, while PROD-LBL-001 and PROD-PKG-001 confirmed I looked presentable.
Humans love to say, “We’re only human.” Lucky for them, CAPA-FRM-001 exists to remind everyone that mistakes get paperwork. CAPA-RC-001 dissects their errors like forensic poetry, and CAPA-VRF-001 swoops in later to double-check if they actually learned anything.
When things changed, QA-MOC-001, QA-MOC-002, and QA-CC-001 captured the chaos. Finally, PROD-VLD-001 and PROD-VLD-002 validated that I was reproducible — unlike some of their weekend decisions.
Humans say they “cleaned the facility.” QA says, “Prove it.” That’s why SAN-SCH-001 schedules, SAN-LOG-001 records, and SAN-FRM-001 certifies. When someone sneezes too close to a fill line, SAN-VLD-001 makes sure it won’t happen again.
Every machine that touches me has a diary: MAI-EQP-001, MAI-CAL-001 through MAI-CAL-003, and MAI-VLD-001. Even the water writes in MAI-WTR-001.
QA-ENV-001 makes sure the air is clean, the humidity is polite, and the temperature is emotionally stable.
QA-SSF-001 logged my sampling, QA-COC-001 tracked my custody, and QA-COA-001 decided my fate. QC-LOG-001 through QC-LOG-004 tested my roots, microbes, strength, and machine honesty.
QC-VLD-001 and QC-VLD-002 sealed my analytical destiny. QA-CAPA-001 checked that no skeletons remained, and QA-REL-001 set me free.
I wasn’t born; I was authorized.
WH-DIST-001 monitored my journeys. WH-RET-001 prepared for my return, WH-DEST-001 rehearsed my funeral, and QA-DISP-001 officiated.
IT-BKP-001 ensured my digital afterlife. IT-FRM-001 validated my servers, IT-ACC-001 granted access, and IT-LOG-001 tattled on everyone.
Humans fear AI. I fear “delete.”
QA-APQR-001 reviewed me annually. QA-AUD-001 and QA-AUD-CHK-001 probed my past, QA-EXT-001 documented visitors, and QA-AUD-002 summarized the gossip.
Complaints triggered QA-COM-001, investigations, CAPAs, and more MOCs than anyone asked for. HR-VIS-001 tracked visitors, and SAF-FRM-001 through SAF-DRL-001 taught humans how to run away responsibly.
QA-DOC-VAL-001 confirmed my saga was validated, just in case anyone doubted it.